This article is courtesy of HomeLife.
Q. My 7-year-old son has been going through a lengthy lying stage. He has cried wolf and told outright lies so many times, I don’t know when I can believe him anymore. We’ve talked over and over about what it means to tell the truth, but he still tells lies. What do I do?
A. There may be a number of reasons why your son is lying. He may be highly imaginative, or his lies might be an excuse for not meeting your expectations. Most children from kindergarten through about the second grade go through a lying stage. It may last longer for some kids and involve more serious lies for others, but it is a normal developmental stage that most kids experience. The good news is you’ve caught this tendency early in your son’s life.
First, pray and ask for wisdom and discernment. Ask God to help you see this as an opportunity to model the value of obedience to Him. Using words he can understand, let your son know that trust is the foundation for any relationship, and it’s impossible for trust to grow without honesty. In Luke 16:10, Jesus tells us that the person who is faithful in little is also faithful in much. It’s by trusting him in little things that you’ll know you can trust him in big things.
Next, make sure you’re modeling truthful behavior. Kids learn about honesty more from what they see us do than from what they hear us say. Have you ever made up a false excuse to get out of something you didn’t want to do or asked one of your kids to tell someone on the phone you weren’t home?
When you catch your son in a lie, it’s important that you don’t react in anger. Instead, choose to respond with disappointment over the decision that he made and for the consequences he will experience as a result. This is a great opportunity to help him learn the relationship between choices and consequences.
Let him know that if he tells a lie, then he should admit it and make it right. When you catch him lying, your response might be, “It’s not OK that you chose to lie. How do you plan to make things right?” When he experiences your disappointment and the consequences for his choice, he is more likely to begin making better choices.
Also “catch” him telling the truth just as you catch him in a lie. When he does tell the truth, be sure to reinforce and encourage him, let him know how important it is, and thank God for his healthy decision.
Dr. Gary J. Oliver is executive director of The Center for Relationship Enrichment and professor of psychology and practical theology at John Brown University. Carrie Oliver is an educator and a marriage and family counselor. They have co-authored Raising Sons and Loving It! Visit www.liferelationships.com.
